heaven as told by an elderly lady

She's chatting it up with St. Peter at the Pearly Gates
when all of a sudden she hears the most awful, blood curdling screams.

Don't worry about that, says St. Peter,
It's only someone having the holes drilled into her
shoulder blades for the wings.

The old lady looks a little uncomfortable
but carries on with the conversation.
A few minutes later, there are more blood curdling screams.

Oh my Goodness, says the old lady,
now what is happening?

Not to worry, says St. Peter,
She's just having her head drilled to fit the halo.

I can't do this, says the old lady, I'm going to hell.

You can't go to that nasty place, says St. Peter.
You'll be raped and taken advantage of.

Maybe so, says the old lady,
but at least I've already got the holes for that.