Paddy

Paddy was applying for a job as a blacksmith and was asked if he had had any experience shoeing horses? He said no but he had once told a donkey to f#*# off.

Paddy and Mick are standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up.
A blonde walks by and asks them "what are you doing"?
Paddy replies, 'We're supposed to be finding the height of this flagpole, but we don't have a ladder.'
The blonde takes out an adjustable spanner from her bag, loosens a few bolts and lays the flagpole down.
She gets a tape measure out of her pocket, takes a few measurements, and announces that it is 18 feet 6 inches.
Then, she walks off.
Mick says to Paddy, 'Isn't that just like a blonde!
We Need the height, and she gives us the length.

Due to a water shortage in Ireland , Dublin swimming baths have announced they are closing lanes 7 and 8 ...

Paddy thought his new girlfriend might be THE ONE, but after looking through her knicker drawer and finding a nurse's outfit, a French maid's outfit, and a police woman's uniform, he finally decided if she can't hold down a job, she's not for him.

Paddy is doing some roofing work for Murphy. As he nears the top of the ladder he starts shaking and feels dizzy. He calls down to Murphy and says,
"I tink I will ave to go home. I've come all over giddy and feel sick."
Murphy asks, "Ave yer got vertigo?"
Paddy replies, "No, I only live round the corner."

"Paddy was applying for a job as a blacksmith and was asked if he had had any experience shoeing horses? He said no but he had once told a donkey to f#*# off."