Chum dog food

Yesterday I was at my local Coles store buying a large bag of Chum dog food for my loyal pet and was
in the checkout queue when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.. What did she think I had, an elephant? On impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Chum Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn’t,because I ended up in hospital last time, but I'd lost 20 kilo before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that
it works is to load your pockets with Chum nuggets and simply eat
one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally
complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to
mention here that practically everyone in queue was now enthralled with my story.)
Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off the kerb to sniff an
Irish Setter's ar*e and a car hit me.I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard. I'm now banned from Coles.